Reclusive Playboy Resurfaces
(Wheeling) Reclusive Playboy Crispen Wilson Waddington III, a relative of the famous Oglebay family, recently emerged from nearly a lifetime of obscurity and will visit the park that bears his family name soon.
The eccentric millionaire was apparently safari hunting for the elusive desert weasels in Uganda when Oglebay Institute officials got word to him that the Oglebay Diamond was recovered. Waddington dropped his elephant gun and departed the dark continent on the next puddle-jumper, according to officials of the Institute.
Waddington, along with Oglebay Institute Treasurer Endora Norton-Sweeny-Todd, will preside over the Unveiling ceremony on the last Saturday of this month at the Mansion Museum in Oglebay Park.
"I am so glad my family's heirloom has been recovered," Waddington said." This is a perfect opportunity for me to be pompous in public."
Above: Crispen Wilson Waddington III points out his obvious resemblence to his famous ancestor, Buford Shenklake Oglebay.
So the Oglebay Diamond is discovered after being missing for nearly 70 years...
(Wheeling) The legendary Oglebay Diamond, long missing from the collection of Oglebay Institute, was discovered recently by Oglebay Park Grounds Worker Mac McGuffin. The priceless jewel, missing since 1929, was often thought to be merely a hoax. But soon it will be returned to the Oglebay Institute collection.
When asked how he found the gem, McGuffin replied, "I don't know. I was drunk."
The Oglebay Diamond was donated to Oglebay Institute, along with many other important items in the estate of Earl W. Oglebay. It had, however, been missing since 1929 until its accidental discovery just a few weeks ago. It will now be officially turned over to the Institute.
Long discounted by certain historians as mere legend, the eccentric Burton Russell Oglebay was outspoken in his opposition to the jewel's bequeathal to Oglebay Institute. It was thought that he either hidden it or sold it, but nothing could be proven. When it was recently discovered, it was decided that it should replace the Oglebay Cubic Zirconia in the Museum.
Above: Mac McGuffin is caught seeking snacks from the bar at Happy Hour.
Mrs. Norton-Sweeny-Todd and the Institute realize that there is a great promotional opportunity in this discovery. They want to exploit the public relations angle of a ceremonial transfer of the priceless gem from the possession of the lowly park grounds worker to the Institute. But Mrs. Norton-Sweeny-Todd is nervous about the vulnerability of the Diamond during the event. So, in a dubious decision, the Institute hires one of Wheeling's top five private detectives, Elliot Brick, to guard it during the unveiling ceremony.
Below, from the local telephone directory:
DETECTIVE AGENCIES
AAA Detective Agency...........................................800-879-4567
Wheeling’s Top Detective Agency
Another Detective Agency.....................................304-555-1212
One of Wheeling’s Top Detective Firms
A Third Detective Agency......................................740-987-3214
Wheeling’s next-to-the-next-to-the best!
Always Underfoot Detective Services..........................231-9876
The divorce surveillance specialists
Big Bad Detectives Inc....................................................438-7654
“We’re no worse than anyone else”
Elliot Brick........................................................................242-7828
“An Eye So Private Most People Haven’t Even Seen Me”
DIAMOND BROKERS
McGuffin Crystal Glass....................................................897-7654
Above: Elliot Brick is totally convinced that he is not confused.
The Oglebay Curse ~
Legend has it that the Oglebay Curse led to the mysterious disappearance of the Oglebay Diamond, the untimely death of the Good Zoo's Oglebay Bohemian Yak and the extreme curviness of Route 88.
The rumor is it that the Oglebay Curse assured that the Oglebay Diamond would never be properly displayed. The Curse was placed directly on the Diamond when the disgruntled former owner accused Peter Waddington Goodzoo of cheating to win it in a game of chance.
Above: Lottery winner Tammy Cash.
Last updated: October 9, 2008