Space Trek - The Characters

Dr. Penelope Pusher
Quirk's supplier of the wonder drug. she replaced legendary chief medical officer Dr. Leonard McCroy after the good doctor succumbed to an overload of pretentious scripts. McCroy's last words are still in dispute: It was either "I'm dead, Jim," or "I'm a doctor, not a cadaver. Oh, wait? I guess I am a cadaver after all." Anyway, Penelope has embraced her position on the Secondprize with great passion. She gives all male crew members a complete physical every six months. All except the Captain, whom she insists needs a physical once a week (or twice when she's feeling sassy.). She has been renowned throughout the galaxy as being able to cure whatever ails ya.

Mr. Spork
Among the Secondprize's most senior officers, Spork is half human and half Vulcan. He has served aboard the Secondprize as first mate and science officer for thirty-two years, not only under the command of Captain Quirk, but also under Captain Jeffrey Carp, who suffered a massive coronary after sampling some of Spork's Vulcan blood frog soup. Spork was found innocent of any wrongdoing by an official tribunal, but still was not promoted. Although he is supposed to be "above" showing emotion, he is known to be bitter about not commanding his own ship.

Scotchie
As his title would suggest, he's the guy who "fixes the ship when it's broke." Along with Spork, Scotchie has served on the Secondprize even longer than Quirk, who has long outlasted his effectiveness, not to mention the ratings. Though Scotchie probably couldn't tell you what time it is at any given moment, or even what day of the week it is, he has managed to keep the ship in tip-top shape since it was built. God bless those Scotsmen. They never miss a beat, or a drink, apparently.

Princess Dahntahnenat
A whiny debutante and socialite, this Heir to the Burgh Empire is supposed to be an ambassador of good will between the Federation and the Burgh Empire. It should be known that though the Burgh would like to arrange diplomatic relations with the Federation, Princess Dahntahnenat (or Dahntahn for short) has her own reasons for wanting the negotiations to fail. Sustaining her life forces on a steady diet of gobs from the Gian' Igle, she is spoiled and self-centered. But she has developed quite a crush on Captain Quirk; he is the reason why she personally requested the Secondprize to escort her to the negotiating talks or, as she would say, "ride her" to the talks, n' at.

Kahn
Dangerous evil villain and Captain Quirk's arch nemesis, this black-hearted fiend will stop at nothing to kill or at least discredit James T. Quirk. Quirk brought Khan back from the 21st Century as a war criminal to face 23rd Century justice. He has been searching for a way to get even, and just may have found it. Had Khan remained in the 21st Century, he would have been impaled on a pike while the guards threw turds at his head. But after Quirk forced him to face charges in the 23rd Century, his sentence called for being locked up on a penal colony planet and forced to watch reruns of Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver day and night for 20 years without parole (or even a decent commercial). Needless to say, Khan went insane and has been obsessing with paying Captain Quirk back ever since.

Ambassador Gefeltefish
Renowned to be one of the most beautiful women in the galaxy, this androgen has served for the last five years as a spokesmodel for the Burgh Empire, despite the fact that she doesn't have that funny accent. Although her negotiation credentials are dubious, having achieved fame as an interplanetary pin-up girl, it is rumored that this mysterious alien possesses a strange power over men. Enough said.